remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
