My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
