When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
