She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
