I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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