yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
