just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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