Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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