I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
