White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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