I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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