omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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