Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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