We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
