I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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