Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
