he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize