So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
