he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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