I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize