I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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