I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
