how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
