It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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