The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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