it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
