I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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