god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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