can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
