I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
