We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
