At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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