John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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