i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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