So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Alive.
So much puke
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
