2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
