I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm like, not good at living.
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