I need to stop coming to work sober
you would pick up someone in the library
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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