triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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