I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
