Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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