Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
