Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
