i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
