eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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