Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
