She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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