Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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