Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
