Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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