you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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