I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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