The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
