I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
