he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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