Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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