just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
