So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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