Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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