you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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